Competitors during the Arizona first stage of 2010 Tour de Froth became alarmed when a fan showed up along the route waving cowbells. “We’d read about the ‘screaming in French’ and ‘waving of foam-hands’ from previous years, so I think that we were all terrified that this was the beginning of the infamous Congo Line Hazard. (CLH™)” exclaimed competitor Larry Hendon. The “Congo Line Hazard” is a ten mile gauntlet of Frenchmen dressed in disco clothing waving rubber chickens. This hazard inspires dread among TDF competitors world-wide. “It’s the primary reason that Felice Gimondi dropped out of the 1968 TDF Stage Three, well that and the balloons.” noted TDF historian, Gabriele Susanne Kerneri.
“Look, TDF Stage One didn’t feature the CLH™ because we blew our budget on stray dogs and double wide gravel trailers,” commented Stage One Captain Sean Mellor, “… if Tour de Froth headquarters want us to truck a bunch of damn Frenchmen all the way out into the Arizona desert, then those fat cats in sunny Geneva Switzerland are going to have to shell out a few more bucks for the Stage Budget.”
While many United States based cycling events feature the riders in bizarre costume or various stages of undress, the Tour de Froth is known for its adherence to the ridiculous looking spandex competitive riding apparel also seen in lesser known events such as the Tour de France, Giro d’Italia and Vuelta a España. Another difference between the Tour de Froth and these less challenging races is that froth fans will usually show up dressed in ludicrous garb mixing a variety of social trends, for example Mardi Gras and Disco, Circus Clowns and Golfing Pros, Pirates and Bankers, Pirates and Senators, or Pirates and Congresspersons and so forth. Many froth fans claim that this is something about the “duality of man.”
The Tour de Froth is the most well regarded bicycling race in the world because of its action packed hazards, brutal physical challenges, Caltech-degreed podium girls and prodigious set of regulations. Most teams employ a gaggle of lawyers in order to secure a legally sound victory. Riders are gearing up for “Cyclone,” the brutal Stage 2. Follow them on May 22nd.
Fear: Cycling Hazards from Les Spectacle on Vimeo.
