Technical Guide · Stage 1 of the 2009 Tour

2009 Stage 1: “The Irishman”

May 26th, 2009 · Rey del Mar, CA · 90 miles

2011 in '27! – the new Tour de Froth

1. The stage at a glance

2. Schedule

Only what the archive records. No other timings were published for this stage.

3. Route and map

Rey del Mar, CA · 90 miles.

Map: https://www.openstreetmap.org/search?query=Rey%20del%20Mar%2C%20CA

“The course changes every year.”

5.3 Sag Wagons/ Rest Stop: “No. None. Zip. Bring a tire kit and organize your own damn banana stand. Whine about it and you will be disqualified.”

4. Hazards

None recorded for this stage.

Standard hazards on every stage

5. The brewery finish

“Each stage will end at a selected local brewery where ‘competitors’ will be subjected to a complex series of negotiations to determine the winner. Arguing and shouting is encouraged.”

Finish venue: A local brewery or brewpub, announced by the stage captain.

1.8 Winners and Prizes: “If by some oversight on the organizers’ part you win a stage, you’ll be disappointed to find that there are no prizes. The winner receives nada.” The full rule is in section 6.

6. Rules and regulations

This stage is run under the Tour de Froth regulations, which are painful, dense and complex. Only the Tour de Froth scale of disqualifications applies.

General

1.0

WARNING: Racing is a grueling and pointlessly brutal experience. You will be exposed to extreme temperatures; Noise; Dogs; Bears: Foam Hats; Malcontents; Miscreants; etc.

1.1

Organizer Decisions: Organizer’s decisions are final. If you don’t like it, please organize your own race.

1.2

Crappy Bikes: At the scrutineer’s sole discretion, “Shite” [sic] crappy bicycles will be welded into highbikes, and you will be disqualified.

1.3

Refunds and Compensation for Loss: None. Whiners will be disqualified.

1.4

Whining: Disqualified

1.5

Ridiculous riding apparel: Surprisingly, as with most bicycling events, this is not a problem.

1.6

Owning the Shout: At the end of each stage, the slowest rider owns the shout unless another rider is disqualified. The first disqualified rider owns the first shout. Any other disqualified racers will also own a shout. The shout is gonna cost you. If you don’t know what a shout is then you’re disqualified and it’s your shout.

1.7

Crying: Disqualified

1.8

Winners and Prizes: The rider with the lowest total stage time wins, unless he or she is more than 120 seconds ahead of second place in which case they are disqualified for the stage. The winner is then the second place rider unless they are 120 seconds ahead of the next rider. You can see where this is going. If by some oversight on the organizers’ part you win a stage, you’ll be disappointed to find that there are no prizes. The winner receives nada. At the end of the stage all riders will place their names in a hat. If the rider with the lowest stage time is not drawn then they are disqualified and the rider whose name is drawn out of the hat claims the stage win. The winner of fifth stage also can disqualify the other four stage winners and claim the over all tour championship.

1.9

Right of Publicity: All imagery of the race and the riders and their bikes will be used in any way that the organizers see fit. (Including but not limited to television, internet, magazines, newsprint, television, radio, twitter, facebook, myspace, billboards, milk cartons and so forth.) There will be no compensation.

Eligibility

2.0

Equipment Eligibility: Entry limited to bicycles. No tricycles, unicycles or Shriner go-carts. Some special dispensation may be awarded for riders of oxen.

2.1

Oxen: no oxen.

2.2

Rider Eligibility: All riders must be over 18 years of age and able to complete an inordinately complex series of differential equations contained in the entrance examination.

2.3

No Passengers Allowed: Why would you consider this? Having passengers will get you disqualified.

Eligibility

5.1

Definition of Team: Each team must consist of no more than four riders.

5.2

Teams: There are no teams, riders entering as a team will be disqualified.

5.3

Sag Wagons/ Rest Stop: No. None. Zip. Bring a tire kit and organize your own damn banana stand. Whine about it and you will be disqualified.

Hazards

6.0

Sweet jumps: When encountering sweet jumps cyclists are encouraged to freestyle their roadbikes.

6.1

Bears: Along the route, bears will be released from time to time. Any rider torn apart is disqualified.

6.2

Long scary bridges: see crying regulation.

6.3

Spectators: Please understand that these people are the enemy and should not be provided aid or comfort.

Disqualification

7.1

This is virtually impossible.

7. Safety, waiver and charity

8. Contacts

Generated October 5th, 2026 from the Tour de Froth race database. Quotations are from the original Tour de Froth site; only spelling and grammar are corrected. Stage facts: stages2009.html.